Official Spam Thread (This is for you Cheetah)

Posted: Thu Feb 17, 2005 10:53 am

A lesson to be learned from one typing the wrong email address!
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They made reservations at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of different schedules, it was impossible for them to on the same day, so the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. He was delighted to see that the hotel had become more modern, and there was a computer in their room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the message on the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2004

"Hi Honey! I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. I can't believe how hot it is down here!"

Posted: Thu Feb 17, 2005 1:51 pm

HAHAAHAH OMG !!!! LOL!!!!
ROFL!!! Very Happy

UO Staff Joined: 10 Sep 2003 Posts: 524 Location: Atlanta

Damn that's funny.

Hehe... I can see that actually being true.

Posted: Thu Feb 17, 2005 4:09 pm

yeah, i added a wrong MSN messenger contact.. and that was the first foreign person i knew. still talk to her nowdays. realy cool. all by exident Razz

Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 9:57 am

A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on

a night light, turned on the answering machine, covered the pet parakeet and put the cat out in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and

requested a taxi cab.

The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house the cat they had put out the back door scoots into the house. They don't

want the cat shut up in the house because she always tries to kill the bird.

The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat the cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house

will be empty for the night. She exp! lains to the taxi driver that her

husband will be out soon. "He's just gone upstairs to say goodnight to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets in the cab. "Sorry I took so long, he says as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed.
Had

to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take

off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to

keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass down

stairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car......

Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 11:21 am

OMG.. lmfao. that was goood

Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 3:41 pm

http://www.italladdsup.gov/drivers/10steps.asp

10 Simple Steps to Improving Air Quality

Trip chain more often. It's easy! Chances are, you're already doing it - combining your errands into one trip. It helps you get things done and it helps reduce traffic congestion and air pollution. When you first start a car after it has been sitting for more than an hour, it pollutes up to five times more than when the engine's warm.

Take mass transit, share a ride or car pool. Even if you do it just once or twice a week, you'll reduce traffic congestion and pollution, and save money. The average driver spends about 44 cents per mile including ownership and maintenance.

Have fun! Ride your bike. It's a great way to travel and it can help you and the air get into condition. Vehicles on the road create more than 25% of all air pollution nationwide.

Take things in stride. Walk or in-line skate instead of driving. They're easy ways to get exercise and they're easy on the air.

Care for your car. Regular maintenance and tune-ups, changing the oil and checking tire inflation can improve gas mileage, extend your car's life and increase its resale value. It can also reduce traffic congestion due to preventable breakdowns and it could reduce your car's emissions by more than half.

Get fuel when it's cool. Refueling during cooler periods of the day or in the evening can prevent gas fumes from heating up and creating ozone. And that can help reduce ozone alert days.

Don't top off the tank. It releases gas fumes into the air and cancels the benefits of the pump's anti-pollution devices. So stopping short of a full tank is safer and reduces pollution.

Telecommute. Work at home sometimes. You'll save time and money, and reduce emissions and traffic congestion.

Know before you go. If your area has a travel and transit information network, use it by calling, visiting the web site or tuning into the cable station. Get travel and transit updates before you leave home and you won't get stuck in a jam.

Spread the word. If everyone took just a few of these simple, easy steps, it could make a big difference because-

Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 8:55 am

DONT LEAVE ME HAINGIN!

Why because?

come on! i'm dying to know!

Hurry up! PLEASE!

Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 9:44 am

It all adds up to cleaner air!

Heck of a cliffhanger eh?

Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 10:18 am

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the African desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the camel
is kept there. The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know,
there are 250 men here on the post, and no women. And sir, sometimes the
men have 'urges'. That's why we have the camel." The Captain
says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so
the camel can stay." About a month later, the Captain starts having

his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the

camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he's

done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?", "No, not really, sir......they usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are.

Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 8:19 am

HAHAAHHAAH Twisted Evil

thats awsome! where you get this funny jokes?

Posted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 5:01 pm

My old workplace. I think I might be tapped out for now. Very Happy

Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 4:47 pm

A man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin".

"What?" Said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he just kept telling me how great it's going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had the product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was ........ Well, I'm going to miss him!

But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"

"Good," said the husband, "but, why?"

"You're a Tax Man...... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"

Happy Tax time

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 1:05 pm

hhaahahh! that was funny!

UO Noob Joined: 17 Oct 2005 Posts: 2

People write to me please Id like to talk to you in private

Embarassed

johntvery@operamail.com

johntvery@hotmail.com